mad morning

I was to be crucified. My dream taught me that it was because I had done something wrong, and everyone was in on it. I was disturbed, but new that I would escape.
Its sunny today, the first time I have seen the sun in far too long.
The man who wanted me dead, was an old friend of the family, one who had not seen me in years. Apparently he did not like who I had turned into, calling me a disgrace and a freak. I was to be mounted like Christ, at 2:30 pm. I asked my dad if he would try to get me out of it, and he said no.







My father approached me last night, and asked me if I would consider smoking American Spirits. "If you're going to do something deadly, then at least do the least harmful version". I don't really care. I don't really know. The days are blending together, and I am going crazier by the second. I can't handle anymore of this sitting around, waiting. Even though I am fairly social, and...movin' around...but its hard. I need to leave, to jump the nest, fly the coop! I'm ready for more, for something real. I'm starving to know myself, and thats just something I cant do here, anymore. I've gotten all I can from these sheets and cold winters.