Griz

Going for two, when really it should be three. But that is a secret.
At some point I'll make it to the library, where I will not do any work.
I will feel productive though, because I read the Bible this morning, and it was kind of moving.
God versus god. Its a thought. I'm good at working with the incomplete. If I had someone to start things for me, I could finish them. Team effort. I like team efforts. I hate working with people. I'm better alone. I hate to be alone.
didIgetya? I smell like old laundry. Its sickening, I almost like it. Defiance, I can understand that word much more than stupidity. Maybe the two go hand in hand, because really, I am so defiant for no reason. Just for the fuck of it. Its me, fucking shit up. Every day. Sometimes it gets me into trouble. A lot, but its just social trouble, and really. who gives a fuck about that.
Obviously we all do, thats why its funny.

Today I have to write three papers. I have to read more of the Bible and I have to read some other stuff. In reality, I don't actually have to do it today, but if I don't, I wont. I know myself. Maybe I'm just being defiant of myself. Thats a new one.
Not really though, because I remember because sad when I was young and staying sad just because I could.
But I don't think thats really the same thing.

For lunch today I had the usual asparagus, (i just turned my itunes on and the first song that came up was We're All Mad Here by the lovely Tom Waits) tofu and potatoes. It was oddly satisfying. I like being a vegetarian. It takes some of the joy out of eating, which really needed to happen for me. Eat to survive. Thats how it should be. But I still enjoy it. Its just a need. Like drink, or sex. or mind games. Mind games are more important to me than eating.
We're all mad here. Mad as a hatter. I like to scare people. not to the point where they are damaged.. but sometimes its good to remind people that im not sane. i mean, for the most part.. yes i am a sane individual. i function in society and i can have a conversation, and maybe we could even have a relationship and you would never know that i have a back exit. thats how i like to think of it. if i so choose i can leave.

It brings the question of sanity into the picture though. Thanks Tom! For instance, my oldest friends dad is getting sued by his ex-girlfriend. We don't know why. They had a rocky relationship as far as I know, but my friends dad is a great guy and there is no reason in the world that the ex-girlfriend should be doing this. I guess that doesn't really make sense..but the point is that crazies are out there. and the more people can understand that, the less crazy the crazies are. and then who cares? and then people can be themselves. people would step outside of their fear of not fitting into society.

i have to make a new paragraph to slow myself down. i just feel so strongly! if people were kind, if people were patient, if we could just have more compassion and try to understand WHY someone is doing what they are doing, then the world would be such a different place. i try to do these things, I guess thats all i can possibly ask for. it isn't easy to break new ground, or even think about it. its scary! and society is here for a reason, right? so why bother fighting! but you have to fight. i have to fight. i get so bored if im not feeling passionate about something. or some one.
I have no closing thoughts. i lied.
i want to breech the 4th wall.
happy.