Wallow

What is the point of wallowing?
To me, wallowing seems to be the thing you do when its dark and the mirror doesn't seem to be working.
its that stupid brown piece of brick that just doesn't stand in with the rest of em.

I have a beautifully large and painful pimple on my right cheek. it actually isn't quite acne yet...but some sort of red pulsing pain in the ass. cheek. har.
you see, this is vitally important because beauty is pain, and without pain, you 'aint got shit going for you.

today i stayed in bed, mostly. and i thought, as i always do, about how i am and all of that b.s. how when i was young i would crush on just about any chick that came my way via the t.v.

this weeks mad crush is minnie driver. yeah, she has great lips.
let me tell you something about minnie. i used to hate her. back when i was young. a wee tot of 13 years. my aunt loved her. so i thought she was too old. and then my mother called this teacher in my school minnie driver. her name was minnie, so it wasn't completely off base. she dated the man that my aunt decided wasn't good enough for her. she babysat me once or twice. I think that she had a mustache.i KNOW she did. back to the driver...my god mother, who i lost touch with, decided to show me this movie...return to me. it starred the driver and david dooo something (he was in the x-files) i loved it. and now that i have decided to give my heart to an older, famous mother I'm ready to see it again.

the point is, that i always "decide" to hate things because of what my mother tells me. or anyone in that is significantly older than me, unless i find them intolerably attractive. like minnie. driver that is.

i wallow a lot. despite my distaste for it. its one of those hypocritical things that i am so well known for. i could be queen for hypocratica. really, i would be an excellent ruler. and i hate the decemberists. but only because novermeber happened. if you ask those close to me, over the summer of 2007 they were a very dear part of my life. or really, even before that. back in that great year of ninth grade, i clung to them like safety raft. that was back when heavy eye shadow was a staple in my life. that and dismissing those who helped me find who i am.
now she has a husband and kid.
what a life, right?
i think im one drink short. im one bed too small, or one charity too little.


thats alright. im kind of self righteous theses days. even thought i have gotten fat and anti-social. at least i can drive.