i hate you

its not over.

and im ok, i like the idea of people coming to me.

cant help it

freaky sweat bed

let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out. let me out let me. out.


let me out so i can get back in.

i dont even feel like it anymore

im off roadin', rut stuck and i got a bowl of green grapes (PLU# 4022).
i dont have a job, and no $$ in the bank. somehow all i want to do is see all of the vegetable numbers I can remember. . .
red peppers - 4088
green peppers - 4065
red onions - 4082
sweet onions (this is actually the number i would use for any onion that wasnt red) - 4166
red grapes - 4020
bananas - 4011
potatoes(loose) - 4027 ... or maybe thats sweet potato...
broccoli tops? - 4549
broccoli..everything - 4060
cantaloupe - 4050
liz lemons - 4053
limes - 4048
garlic - 4608
cucumber - 4062
green beans - 4066
cluster (i.e. every) tomato - 4664

- happy and fulfilled, right?

oh thats right, i forgot that it is a saturday night, and that normal people are social, generally. ive spent my day reading and avoiding people. i slept a lot too, and didn't get any work done.
best day ive had in a really long time.


im getting younger, i can feel it. its good though, i didnt know how to be my own age. hey man, ive never been this old before. this is brand new to me. im still working out some kinks.

bagels

we were asked earlier if the wind chill mattered.
of course we said "no" because that was the polite thing to do.
it was polite because apparently screaming isn't, and the way i look at you isn't.
i never really knew what it was like to be not told what to do, i dont work well under pressure. and i will hurt you, if you ask me to. im good at that sort of thing, the pretending.
the eating chinese food takeout with stoned christians and blacking out buzzards.
i caught the plague myself in the steamy shower scene that we never acted out.
and never always sounded like a harsh word, but i use it as deployment.
i use people like napkins and horrid dance moves. im not that twig or that rock. ive beaten it all before, and now im just trying to find my way back out.
you don't believe me.
but im magic, in the sense that my glitter is glued to the paper.
the rainbows drawn with crayola and dust.
my childhood eaten in a casserole.
baby girl, turn me on with you electric feel.

i think youre beautiful

i think that you are beautiful. i think that even with the air this bitter, i can snuggle away until crunchy snow is gone.

aging back

My back is an old woman.
My lungs are an old woman.
Today my friend turned to an old woman.
I feel stupid.
I wonder if I'll get it done, or just be done.